So, I’m out zipping around on my mountain bike tonight and could not BELIEVE how much gas I had. I estimate 30-40 farts! I was out for probably 90 minutes, but still, it just didn’t quit.

No problems, except that there were a few times when I had to really pinch off to avoid public disturbances…

The worst was when I was carrying my bike up a very long flight of stairs. The sun was setting to my left, this couple was being all lovey about 10 steps behind me, and I was trying like crazy to not puncture the mood. I let a bunch of silent ones out (thanks to some superior fart control & timing techniques); I wonder if they were too busy being blissful to notice?

Fart-Meter:

• Stink factor: 3/10
• Volume: 3/10
• Characteristics: plentiful, worrysome (turd concern), slightly painful cramps
• Trip to the John solved it: tried, but no luck; farts still flowing
• Fart Fuel: madras lentil curry on rice
• Casualties: romantic couple (possibly), my bike seat