My city’s summer festival is on this week with all the roller-coasters, games, and gimicks you can think of. Around 11pm, they blow off fireworks for about 10 minutes. You know, the big pretty red ones, the purple & blue starburst bangers, those gold-colored twirls that go Wwwzzzzzzzzzzzzz… – the whole 9 yards.

So I’m standing in a crowd of hundreds, figure that I’ll let a little ripper go, and !*!*! KaBANG !*!*! – I let a total fart rocket go. At least 25 people turned around in front of me and looked!! Talk about an explosive fart!

Fart-Meter:

• Stink factor: 3/10
• Volume: 10/10
• Characteristics: yellow & green starburst explosion (with several BANG!BANG! after-shocks)
• Trip to the John solved it: public cans aren’t my thing
• Fart Fuel: 2 jumbo smokies with sauerkraut
• Casualties: my hearing when I’m 60